yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
