using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
