He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
