oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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