watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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