Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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