Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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