There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
