her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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