We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
