Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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