Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
