Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
