i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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