All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
