i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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