ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I want is dick and wine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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