garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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