check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't turn off my feet"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
