That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
handjob tips. give me some.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
did you just send me my own nude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
