May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
