You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
