I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You smell like stripper and shame
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
