her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize