Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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