walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
