the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
