she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
