Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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