oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
