Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
