Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize