turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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