the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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