I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
