i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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