Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
