You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
