I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
