and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
