New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
