what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
