I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
