I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize