Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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