can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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