I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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