I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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