you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dick has a subreddit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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