I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
