Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
