Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
