Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
