Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you never un-have a 4some
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
