i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize