In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
