some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
