You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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