Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
