my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
