Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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