Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
