We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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