you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
