trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
