He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is the high leading the old right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
