I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
